Advice is one of those things you should take with a grain of salt, like people commenting on how you look, or some guy yelling at you on the street, because most of the time people tell you what you want to hear, or people are telling you what not to do, it's because they themselves have made that mistake and want you to avoid it. What's fucked up though, is the only reason it's a mistake is because it didn't workout.
Like, in my last relationship, I learned we need to give people clean slates, but that's only after I spent months anxious about what my boyfriend might do to hurt me. I spent months waiting for something to get fucked up. You know what happened? Shit got fucked up. Shocker. Now I feel like the biggest asshole, because very few people (maybe sociopaths), would actually go through the effort of dating and hanging out with someone, only to try to hurt them. It just doesn't happen.
If I was on the other end of someone trying to make sure I was a decent human everyday, it would become a huge, exhausting burden. That's what happened, basically, even though we did have so much fun when we were together, I was so anxious that I would stress the hell out when we weren't together. It sucks to admit that I made myself crazy, but only because I didn't want to get hurt. You know what happened? I got hurt. But that's how we sadly learn from our mistakes, by fucking up. I'm glad that I learned that lesson, but I sort of wish I had learned it with someone I didn't love so much. That's life though.
I guess what I can take away is this: Regardless of the outcome, I've learned to take a step back and not worry so much about what's out of my control. I will miss this person always, but more than anything, I hope they're happy now and with someone who will be a lot more chill than I was. Most women are, but sadly I wasn't. I understand why I was defensive and it's okay. Timing is a real bitch though. That's the problem with learning lessons, once you learn them, it's usually to late.
Like, in my last relationship, I learned we need to give people clean slates, but that's only after I spent months anxious about what my boyfriend might do to hurt me. I spent months waiting for something to get fucked up. You know what happened? Shit got fucked up. Shocker. Now I feel like the biggest asshole, because very few people (maybe sociopaths), would actually go through the effort of dating and hanging out with someone, only to try to hurt them. It just doesn't happen.
If I was on the other end of someone trying to make sure I was a decent human everyday, it would become a huge, exhausting burden. That's what happened, basically, even though we did have so much fun when we were together, I was so anxious that I would stress the hell out when we weren't together. It sucks to admit that I made myself crazy, but only because I didn't want to get hurt. You know what happened? I got hurt. But that's how we sadly learn from our mistakes, by fucking up. I'm glad that I learned that lesson, but I sort of wish I had learned it with someone I didn't love so much. That's life though.
I guess what I can take away is this: Regardless of the outcome, I've learned to take a step back and not worry so much about what's out of my control. I will miss this person always, but more than anything, I hope they're happy now and with someone who will be a lot more chill than I was. Most women are, but sadly I wasn't. I understand why I was defensive and it's okay. Timing is a real bitch though. That's the problem with learning lessons, once you learn them, it's usually to late.
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