Since you've been gone

He's spent every night for a week at her house. I'm totally heartbroken. I think he's really in love. I feel totally humiliated. I don't know what kind of fantasy land I was living in? Maybe one of those romantic comedy lands. You know? The one where the boy realizes he loves the best friend. I know it sounds silly, but I know how he likes his sandwich. I always thought the one you should be with, would be the one who knows how you take your sandwich. I know how he likes his. I'm just never going to be the pretty pretty princess. I mean this girl is beautiful, huge boobs and sweet like candy. I'm the cute, funny girl with small boobs.

I think a part of me didn't think she would work out because she's always causing drama. She's a really needy girl. She's always breaking up and making up with him. But, I guess I was wrong. At the end of the day the boy should be happy. But, she doesn't know his sandwich. She's not very silly. I guess maybe he's not looking for that in a girl friend.

Today he was actually home when I was, and I almost told him how I felt, but I couldn't do it. Instead, I just stared at my facebook page, and he kept dry humping my leg to make me laugh. No one should have too live like this. It's just not fair. I talked to my dad, and I considering moving back home when my lease is up. Maybe on my last day, I'll be like, "By the way, I love you!"

Not Very Happy

I'm going through a rough patch. I can't really talk to anyone about it. I'm not even really talking to anyone about it now. No one reads this. This is a safe place. It's just me here. I'm really lost right now. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Everyday is the same. I was dating a boy for a while. He was nice, and he really liked me. I just went out of my way to find everything I could wrong with him. He talked to loud, he wasn't romantic, he didn't write any love notes. The truth was, he just wasn't him. He just wasn't Braylon. He was never going to be my best friend. He was never going to be the man who crawls into my bed every morning to wake me up. He wasn't going to be the guy who tickles me until I start begging for mercy on the couch. He's never going to be the guy who pulls one ball out of his boxers, just to make me laugh.

The thing is, Besides that...I'm just not happy. I'm stuck in a job I'm not happy in, and I don't know what else to do. This is what I know. It's what feels safe. I wanted to be a million other things, I just keep feeling like I can't. I feel lost right now, like I need someone to smack me in the face.

The truth is, I don't think Braylon will ever like me back. I'll never be the princess type he love so much. I don't know what will happen for me in my future? I just know...I don't want to still be in this same place in five years. I don't want to still be in love with a boy that will never love me. I don't want to work in a job I hate. I don't want to be sad.