Do you ever go to the Laundromat and watch the machines go round and round...It's beautiful and sad. Because, nothing happens, yet you can't stop watching it. What if your whole life was spent watching those machines? What if you felt like that was your life. Just a bunch of random clothes, stuck in a small round bowl, just spinning...going no where...Beautiful and sad...Like, I really am dying to do something with my life. But, what? I didn't finish high school. I mean, I can always go back to school. I have my Good Enough Diploma. I want to go to film school. I have this fear of doing things I don't know how to do, but people don't know how to do anything at first. Yet things get done, so people have to learn how to do things. I have too just relax with the fact that everyone starts off looking like a douche bag at first, but then they fucking learn. But I have all of these great ideas, and no where for them to go. I'm always having idea implosions, because they have no where to go but in my body. So, it's not that I'm depressed, just frustrated. Because, no one should have to think as much as I do and have no where to put it. When I tell people my ideas, they just look at me like "That's great lady, but what do you want me to do?". Like, I have all of these great commercials for ipod, stride, pepsi...book ideas, movies, plays. I need to have an idea explosion soon. Because I can't take this shit. I need to get some balls. I can't spin in this machine anymore.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Best Friends, Smest Friends
He's Coming back in a week, which is great, it's great!! I've missed him with all of my heart, I have. We've talked all the time since he's been away, so it's not like we're going to have to do that whole odd..."So, what have you been doing?" or for us "So, who have you been doing?" but the hard thing for me is, I'm fucked in the head. I have all of these mixed emotions toward him. I mean I do love him as just like my best friend, because no one in this world knows me like he does. No one knows how to push my buttons or make me laugh as much, or make me cry.
I mean, I remember one time like six years ago I was dating this guy, and we still fight about whether he was gay or not, but that was besides the point. Anyway, a big group of us were going out for a birthday dinner of a close friend of ours, and this kid I was dating and I decided that we wanted to do a fake proposal. So we got a fake ring and planned the whole thing out... I cried...the works. Well, I thought it was comic gold. But at the end of the night when My Best Friend and I were walking home, I asked him what he thought...He just looked at me and paused for a long time. He just said, "Honestly Maggie, I thought better of you, tonight wasn't about you. I'm really disappointed in you." I just sank inside, the one person whose opinion means more than anything...I couldn't even look at him. My eyes started to feel with tears, but I was trying to hide it. But here's the fucked up part. He did that on purpose. He knows me so well, he knew that would fuck with me. But, the next day he got me yellow roses to say he was sorry for being a douche, but, I needed it.
The thing is, I've grown odd feelings that I can't help, like, I can't explain. They shouldn't be there, because, they aren't right. I've known this boy my whole life. Like, since we were 3 years old. Our Mom's are best friends. We've been best friends since we were 13. It's like falling for your brother. I know it's not right, but I can't help it. I'm trying to kill it. If Joey and Dawson from Dawson's Creak had a pervy relationship, like before they hooked up...then they would kinda have our relationship. Like we don't make out, well??? we kiss, he can grab my boobs, but I don't even think it's sexual to him. I can't explain it. It's just??? unless you have one, and have to go through the utter torture of being in love with this person you can never be with, you would never really get it. So, I'm excited for him to come home, but also like...shit, now I have to put on my game face again. I just need to meet a nice boy, so I can move on. When Harry Met Sally is Bullshit!! Maybe if I had awesome boobs like Katie Holmes, this wouldn't be an issue. She got both of her best guy friends on Dawson's Creak...whore!! I want to be a whore just like Katie someday.
I mean, I remember one time like six years ago I was dating this guy, and we still fight about whether he was gay or not, but that was besides the point. Anyway, a big group of us were going out for a birthday dinner of a close friend of ours, and this kid I was dating and I decided that we wanted to do a fake proposal. So we got a fake ring and planned the whole thing out... I cried...the works. Well, I thought it was comic gold. But at the end of the night when My Best Friend and I were walking home, I asked him what he thought...He just looked at me and paused for a long time. He just said, "Honestly Maggie, I thought better of you, tonight wasn't about you. I'm really disappointed in you." I just sank inside, the one person whose opinion means more than anything...I couldn't even look at him. My eyes started to feel with tears, but I was trying to hide it. But here's the fucked up part. He did that on purpose. He knows me so well, he knew that would fuck with me. But, the next day he got me yellow roses to say he was sorry for being a douche, but, I needed it.
The thing is, I've grown odd feelings that I can't help, like, I can't explain. They shouldn't be there, because, they aren't right. I've known this boy my whole life. Like, since we were 3 years old. Our Mom's are best friends. We've been best friends since we were 13. It's like falling for your brother. I know it's not right, but I can't help it. I'm trying to kill it. If Joey and Dawson from Dawson's Creak had a pervy relationship, like before they hooked up...then they would kinda have our relationship. Like we don't make out, well??? we kiss, he can grab my boobs, but I don't even think it's sexual to him. I can't explain it. It's just??? unless you have one, and have to go through the utter torture of being in love with this person you can never be with, you would never really get it. So, I'm excited for him to come home, but also like...shit, now I have to put on my game face again. I just need to meet a nice boy, so I can move on. When Harry Met Sally is Bullshit!! Maybe if I had awesome boobs like Katie Holmes, this wouldn't be an issue. She got both of her best guy friends on Dawson's Creak...whore!! I want to be a whore just like Katie someday.
Michael Why don't you love me?
There are many things in life that are hard to deal with, but one of those things is not being able to be with the one you love. That great funny man, the man of your dreams. The one that makes you smile every time you look at him. I wake up in the morning and he's the first person I see, and he's the last person I see before I go to bed. I love him so much sometimes it hurts, and I can't tell him. I can't. That man is the sexy Michael Cera. I just want to bend that Man over a stove. I would fark the taste out of that Man's mouth I tell ya. I love him. The best comic timing ever. I loved him when it was so not right to love him. I loved him when he was 16 years old and on Arrested Development. I felt wrong, I really did. But you can't fight how you feel in life. I know that if we could just hang out, and have a little talky talk. We'd get along, and then I would make out with him. I'd totally make him grab my boob or even both of them. It would be the most mind blowing experience of my life. I want that man to touch me...all of me. SOOOO HOT!!!
Friday, March 7, 2008
I'm going to do my first bloggie load!!
Being that this is my first blog ever on this mighty spot we call blog, I thought I would just do a little about me survey....these things are delightful.
1. How long have you been breathing?
27 years a breathing
2. Are you Single?
Am I single? So single it's comical. Unless you count toys. Then I have many companions.
3. Have you cried today at all?
I'm crying right now.
4. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
PBR
5. Do you want to be in a relationship?
Do I want to lose half my friendships and my personality? yes, yes and yes!!
(Let's not forget the gay ass baby voice...yes, sign me up for one of those)
6. Do you actually believe in perfection?
I believe people have greatness, I don't believe in perfection, because that means you've reached the peak of something. I feel like I want to always better myself, you can't better perfection.
7. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
I would rather it be sunny...although, I do enjoy a nice bowl of tomato soup and a hot grilled cheese sandwich on rye when it's rainy.
8. Have you been to New York City?
Been there?...I live there Man!!
9. Who do you think about before you go to bed?
I don't want to get into it right now, because he thinks of me as like a "sister"...which is delightful!!
I of coarse am talking about our lord and savior. I'm a woman now God!! (not really talking about God, but the person really does only think of me as like his sister...I want to shove his head in my hoohoo and be like "I a girl!!"
10. Take any medication?
Pez
11. Last time you did laundry?
Everyday..I do it for a living. I work in a Laundromat.
12. Check your myspace everyday?
It's where all my friends hang out, it's like Cheers on there.
13. Do you fight with your parents all the time?
Well, that's because I'm worthless and have no goals.
14. Just went out with a girl/guy only because you felt bad?
That would be every boy/girl I've ever dated. I like those though, they'll preheat the oven. Lower expectations are the best!!
15. Last voicemail you received?
From the Best Friend telling me about some girl that just tried to get him to play the "rape game"...classy! He's bringing her home for Christmas, we're all really excited.
16.Last people you slept in a bed with?
My last "In Case of Emergency Break Glass" we'll call him "God Hates Me" because, every time we would have sex, he would role over and sigh "I'm going to hell..."
Mormons...
17. Where did you sleep last night?
Your Moms bed.
18. Do you want kids?
Yes, like four kids!! really two. But, I love kids.
19. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
no
20. Where is your phone?
it's on vibrate...so??? call me.
21. How many close friends do you have?
2 or 3 million
22. What is your Brothers name?
only child.
23. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yes, My best friend, but....nevermind? Yes.
24. Favorite restaurant?
Dumont
25. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
The reason being what? Because, I feel a bit tortured here.
26. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
I never grew wisdom teeth, it says a lot about me.
27. When is your next road trip?
No car, so...I'm not sure? We've never had A road trip. let alone a follow up.
28. What are you listening to?
Sam Amidon, He's a folk singer from here.
29. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
I worked at a school for mentally challenged kids when I was 10 years old, but, then they found out I was 10, and I got fired.
30. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from on your cell phone?
Mom
31. Would rain actually stop you from going somewhere or ruin your plans?
Almost stopped me from going to the Nico Muhly show tonight...thank god I went...So Awesome!!
32. Do you get nervous with public speaking?
Yes and no... it depends on the vibe of the crowd.
33. Ever been in a wedding?
No
34. Myspace or Facebook?
Redvines
35. Who sits next to you in work or school?
ming ming...she love you long time"
36.What type of guy/girl do you usually fall for?
What type do I fall for or go after? Because, those are two very different questions. Because, I fall for the guy who's fun and silly that I can say anything too, and just be myself around. The guy who I can lay in bed with and just read a book and not say anything too. The guy who loves to dance, and act like a total asshole. Who I can sit in a diner with and talk to about everything or nothing at all, and he makes me laugh so hard I almost piss myself. That's the guy I fall for. The guy I feel safe enough to sleep next too and actually sleep. That's the guy I fall for. The guy I go for? It could be anyone...I make it no point to try and get to know them as people, I keep them at arms length. I mean...they're nice enough, funny enough, smart enough, good looking enough for both of us to be a little bit above indifferent to each other to want to bone for a little bit.
37. Last time you saw your parents?
Yesterday actually
38. What woke you up this morning?
My Roommate/Female best friend
39. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yep
40. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
I'm sure it will be a delightful day at the wash.
41. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Does my Mom count? does it count if we made out?
42. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Habib, the cab driver
43. What was your first thought this morning?
I thought about how Bobby Fischer, has died at the age of 64, was a talented chess grandmaster once hailed as an American hero for breaking a Soviet dominance of the game that had lasted nearly 30 years. Then I made pancakes with peanut butter on them and maple syrup...happy times!!
44. Do long distance relationships work?
I don't know? I can't make close distance ones work.
45. Who is your number one on myspace?
My Mom, because she's my hottest friend.
46. Who do you wish you were with right now?
My Best Friend
47. Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?
chat
48. Do you listen to music everyday?
It's like going to church.
49. What was the last thing you ate?
Turkey Sandwich
50. Are you a fast typer?
I'm no Mavis Beacon
51. What are you doing tonight?
After I finish this overnight here, I'm going home to sleep.
52. Is anything bothering you?
I would be bothered, if nothing was bothering me.
53. Do you miss someone?
Yes, but he's coming home soon for good.
54. What do you want to do right now?
Finish work, and bend Michael Cera over a stove. I love you!!
55. Are you listening to music right now?
Yeah
56. Are you in a bad mood?
this is me in a good mood.
57. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
I've been going back and forth between this and customers. Bring your own fabric softener assholes!!
58. When were you the saddest in your life?
Never really, I play sad. It's funny.
59. Have you ever loved someone and were too scared to tell them?
Just drop it...I'm working on killing it.
60. Are you a jealous person?
No.
61. What are you allergic to?
assholes and puppies
62. Whose car were you in last?
cab
63. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
2-3 hours
64. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
When I was little, I thought that the boogie man couldn't get you if you slept on the floor.
65. What are some things that are needed in a relationship?
Fun, Honest, but not too honest, good sex, great talks, they should bring out the best in you. Inspire you.
66. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
I wish..wait, was that out loud...I mean no.
67. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes
68. Have you told someone else that secret?
Yes...you
69. How many siblings do you have?
No, I think my parents were too afraid to have more kids after me I was such a shit.
70. Who is in the house with you?
not home right now.
71. What are you thinking about right now?
That I need to get back to work.
72. What was the last song you listened to?
The World Spins Madly on...the Weepies
73. Last text message in your outbox?
you suck
74. What are you doing right now?
Putting on Arrested development.
1. How long have you been breathing?
27 years a breathing
2. Are you Single?
Am I single? So single it's comical. Unless you count toys. Then I have many companions.
3. Have you cried today at all?
I'm crying right now.
4. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
PBR
5. Do you want to be in a relationship?
Do I want to lose half my friendships and my personality? yes, yes and yes!!
(Let's not forget the gay ass baby voice...yes, sign me up for one of those)
6. Do you actually believe in perfection?
I believe people have greatness, I don't believe in perfection, because that means you've reached the peak of something. I feel like I want to always better myself, you can't better perfection.
7. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
I would rather it be sunny...although, I do enjoy a nice bowl of tomato soup and a hot grilled cheese sandwich on rye when it's rainy.
8. Have you been to New York City?
Been there?...I live there Man!!
9. Who do you think about before you go to bed?
I don't want to get into it right now, because he thinks of me as like a "sister"...which is delightful!!
I of coarse am talking about our lord and savior. I'm a woman now God!! (not really talking about God, but the person really does only think of me as like his sister...I want to shove his head in my hoohoo and be like "I a girl!!"
10. Take any medication?
Pez
11. Last time you did laundry?
Everyday..I do it for a living. I work in a Laundromat.
12. Check your myspace everyday?
It's where all my friends hang out, it's like Cheers on there.
13. Do you fight with your parents all the time?
Well, that's because I'm worthless and have no goals.
14. Just went out with a girl/guy only because you felt bad?
That would be every boy/girl I've ever dated. I like those though, they'll preheat the oven. Lower expectations are the best!!
15. Last voicemail you received?
From the Best Friend telling me about some girl that just tried to get him to play the "rape game"...classy! He's bringing her home for Christmas, we're all really excited.
16.Last people you slept in a bed with?
My last "In Case of Emergency Break Glass" we'll call him "God Hates Me" because, every time we would have sex, he would role over and sigh "I'm going to hell..."
Mormons...
17. Where did you sleep last night?
Your Moms bed.
18. Do you want kids?
Yes, like four kids!! really two. But, I love kids.
19. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
no
20. Where is your phone?
it's on vibrate...so??? call me.
21. How many close friends do you have?
2 or 3 million
22. What is your Brothers name?
only child.
23. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yes, My best friend, but....nevermind? Yes.
24. Favorite restaurant?
Dumont
25. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
The reason being what? Because, I feel a bit tortured here.
26. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
I never grew wisdom teeth, it says a lot about me.
27. When is your next road trip?
No car, so...I'm not sure? We've never had A road trip. let alone a follow up.
28. What are you listening to?
Sam Amidon, He's a folk singer from here.
29. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
I worked at a school for mentally challenged kids when I was 10 years old, but, then they found out I was 10, and I got fired.
30. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from on your cell phone?
Mom
31. Would rain actually stop you from going somewhere or ruin your plans?
Almost stopped me from going to the Nico Muhly show tonight...thank god I went...So Awesome!!
32. Do you get nervous with public speaking?
Yes and no... it depends on the vibe of the crowd.
33. Ever been in a wedding?
No
34. Myspace or Facebook?
Redvines
35. Who sits next to you in work or school?
ming ming...she love you long time"
36.What type of guy/girl do you usually fall for?
What type do I fall for or go after? Because, those are two very different questions. Because, I fall for the guy who's fun and silly that I can say anything too, and just be myself around. The guy who I can lay in bed with and just read a book and not say anything too. The guy who loves to dance, and act like a total asshole. Who I can sit in a diner with and talk to about everything or nothing at all, and he makes me laugh so hard I almost piss myself. That's the guy I fall for. The guy I feel safe enough to sleep next too and actually sleep. That's the guy I fall for. The guy I go for? It could be anyone...I make it no point to try and get to know them as people, I keep them at arms length. I mean...they're nice enough, funny enough, smart enough, good looking enough for both of us to be a little bit above indifferent to each other to want to bone for a little bit.
37. Last time you saw your parents?
Yesterday actually
38. What woke you up this morning?
My Roommate/Female best friend
39. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yep
40. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
I'm sure it will be a delightful day at the wash.
41. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Does my Mom count? does it count if we made out?
42. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Habib, the cab driver
43. What was your first thought this morning?
I thought about how Bobby Fischer, has died at the age of 64, was a talented chess grandmaster once hailed as an American hero for breaking a Soviet dominance of the game that had lasted nearly 30 years. Then I made pancakes with peanut butter on them and maple syrup...happy times!!
44. Do long distance relationships work?
I don't know? I can't make close distance ones work.
45. Who is your number one on myspace?
My Mom, because she's my hottest friend.
46. Who do you wish you were with right now?
My Best Friend
47. Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?
chat
48. Do you listen to music everyday?
It's like going to church.
49. What was the last thing you ate?
Turkey Sandwich
50. Are you a fast typer?
I'm no Mavis Beacon
51. What are you doing tonight?
After I finish this overnight here, I'm going home to sleep.
52. Is anything bothering you?
I would be bothered, if nothing was bothering me.
53. Do you miss someone?
Yes, but he's coming home soon for good.
54. What do you want to do right now?
Finish work, and bend Michael Cera over a stove. I love you!!
55. Are you listening to music right now?
Yeah
56. Are you in a bad mood?
this is me in a good mood.
57. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
I've been going back and forth between this and customers. Bring your own fabric softener assholes!!
58. When were you the saddest in your life?
Never really, I play sad. It's funny.
59. Have you ever loved someone and were too scared to tell them?
Just drop it...I'm working on killing it.
60. Are you a jealous person?
No.
61. What are you allergic to?
assholes and puppies
62. Whose car were you in last?
cab
63. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
2-3 hours
64. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
When I was little, I thought that the boogie man couldn't get you if you slept on the floor.
65. What are some things that are needed in a relationship?
Fun, Honest, but not too honest, good sex, great talks, they should bring out the best in you. Inspire you.
66. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
I wish..wait, was that out loud...I mean no.
67. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes
68. Have you told someone else that secret?
Yes...you
69. How many siblings do you have?
No, I think my parents were too afraid to have more kids after me I was such a shit.
70. Who is in the house with you?
not home right now.
71. What are you thinking about right now?
That I need to get back to work.
72. What was the last song you listened to?
The World Spins Madly on...the Weepies
73. Last text message in your outbox?
you suck
74. What are you doing right now?
Putting on Arrested development.
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