Room Service

I work in Room Service at a five star hotel in New York City. I've worked there for six years and counting. And at this point there's no end in site. I used to work in an escort service booking girls for "time and companionship" on an hourly basis. My job is pretty similar. Only instead of women, I send food to hotel rooms. Sometimes I actually miss working in an escort service. I didn't have to deal with any union bullshit. Not to mention, we got to watch cable tv while we worked. That's always a bonus.

Now I just hustle burgers and apple pie, instead of blonds and hair pie. Everyday I pray that I get fired. Yet I do nothing to get fired for. There's gotta be something else out there.

Cat's out of the Bag

I told a boy about this blog. For some reason I told him it was fake. Some of it is fake, like...the names. The names are fake. I don't work at a laundromat. My roommate isn't really my best friend. While he's a good friend, he's not my "best friend". I started this stupid thing as a joke. I was writing a scrip, a scrip I couldn't finish because it became true. It was about this girl working in a laundromat, who falls in love with her best friend. The original best friend was based on a different guy. One of my real best guy friends. But as I was writing it, using him in mind; the character was too sweet. I started thinking about people I know that are cool, but kinda dicks. Like, an asshole with a heart of gold. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, my roommate! He's the biggest dick with a heart of gold that I know.

Then an odd thing happened; I started to actually get real feelings for my roommate. As my feelings grew, it became harder and harder to write the story. Because now the story was real. Things I had written previously were coming true. Like some kind of cosmic joke. But isn't that just life? One big cosmic joke.

When I couldn't write the story, I started the fake blog. Tracking random moments, if I remembered them. Some things are made-up. Some moments are real. Mostly it's just a reminder to myself of all the time I wasted. I guess at some point in everyone's life we all waste time hoping for a fantasy to be a reality. I blame the movies. But, I mostly blame myself for being a douche bag.

Stories Don't Always Have a Great Ending

Not all stories have the great endings we all hope for. The boy doesn't always have the great epiphany that he loves the girl. He doesn't jump out of a cab that's stuck in traffic, and start racing down the street to catch her at a party, to admit his undying love to her. These things only happen in the movies. In real life, you tell your best friend, "I love you, and not in a friendly way,". He has little to no reaction. Life continues as it always has. As if nothing was even said, and your words meant nothing to him, because they didn't. Because, he loves you, just not like that.

Then one day he says he's moving. This is the big ending to the movie. His big goodbye is when he jiggles you in your sleep, and tells you goodbye and he'll call you soon. Like I said, Not all stories have great endings.

Now I sit here in my big empty apartment, and I think about all of that time I wasted. I feel awful for the boy I dated. How he didn't stand a chance, because I was hoping for some kind of movie fantasy that was never going to happen. I feel bad for any guy I was dealing with, because I just kept hoping I would get real feeling for them. I kept hoping I would give up the ghost. That I would like them so much I wouldn't care about my best friend.

Maybe he just needed to leave. It's nice actually. I'm not holding on to this silly dream anymore. To this hope that he was ever going to look at me in that special way. That's a horrible feeling to live with. It's a terrible feeling to come home too. It's not fun to read into every gesture and cuddle, and hope that there's more there. when deep down, I knew it was nothing.

For the very first time in a long time I can allow myself to be open, I can maybe meet someone I like, that likes me back. There won't be any blockage. That's really exciting. I actually have someone I really like right now. It's just nice to like someone. I don't know what the ending will be? But I hope this one will have a happy ending.