He's Coming back in a week, which is great, it's great!! I've missed him with all of my heart, I have. We've talked all the time since he's been away, so it's not like we're going to have to do that whole odd..."So, what have you been doing?" or for us "So, who have you been doing?" but the hard thing for me is, I'm fucked in the head. I have all of these mixed emotions toward him. I mean I do love him as just like my best friend, because no one in this world knows me like he does. No one knows how to push my buttons or make me laugh as much, or make me cry.
I mean, I remember one time like six years ago I was dating this guy, and we still fight about whether he was gay or not, but that was besides the point. Anyway, a big group of us were going out for a birthday dinner of a close friend of ours, and this kid I was dating and I decided that we wanted to do a fake proposal. So we got a fake ring and planned the whole thing out... I cried...the works. Well, I thought it was comic gold. But at the end of the night when My Best Friend and I were walking home, I asked him what he thought...He just looked at me and paused for a long time. He just said, "Honestly Maggie, I thought better of you, tonight wasn't about you. I'm really disappointed in you." I just sank inside, the one person whose opinion means more than anything...I couldn't even look at him. My eyes started to feel with tears, but I was trying to hide it. But here's the fucked up part. He did that on purpose. He knows me so well, he knew that would fuck with me. But, the next day he got me yellow roses to say he was sorry for being a douche, but, I needed it.
The thing is, I've grown odd feelings that I can't help, like, I can't explain. They shouldn't be there, because, they aren't right. I've known this boy my whole life. Like, since we were 3 years old. Our Mom's are best friends. We've been best friends since we were 13. It's like falling for your brother. I know it's not right, but I can't help it. I'm trying to kill it. If Joey and Dawson from Dawson's Creak had a pervy relationship, like before they hooked up...then they would kinda have our relationship. Like we don't make out, well??? we kiss, he can grab my boobs, but I don't even think it's sexual to him. I can't explain it. It's just??? unless you have one, and have to go through the utter torture of being in love with this person you can never be with, you would never really get it. So, I'm excited for him to come home, but also like...shit, now I have to put on my game face again. I just need to meet a nice boy, so I can move on. When Harry Met Sally is Bullshit!! Maybe if I had awesome boobs like Katie Holmes, this wouldn't be an issue. She got both of her best guy friends on Dawson's Creak...whore!! I want to be a whore just like Katie someday.
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