I'm going through a rough patch. I can't really talk to anyone about it. I'm not even really talking to anyone about it now. No one reads this. This is a safe place. It's just me here. I'm really lost right now. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Everyday is the same. I was dating a boy for a while. He was nice, and he really liked me. I just went out of my way to find everything I could wrong with him. He talked to loud, he wasn't romantic, he didn't write any love notes. The truth was, he just wasn't him. He just wasn't Braylon. He was never going to be my best friend. He was never going to be the man who crawls into my bed every morning to wake me up. He wasn't going to be the guy who tickles me until I start begging for mercy on the couch. He's never going to be the guy who pulls one ball out of his boxers, just to make me laugh.
The thing is, Besides that...I'm just not happy. I'm stuck in a job I'm not happy in, and I don't know what else to do. This is what I know. It's what feels safe. I wanted to be a million other things, I just keep feeling like I can't. I feel lost right now, like I need someone to smack me in the face.
The truth is, I don't think Braylon will ever like me back. I'll never be the princess type he love so much. I don't know what will happen for me in my future? I just know...I don't want to still be in this same place in five years. I don't want to still be in love with a boy that will never love me. I don't want to work in a job I hate. I don't want to be sad.
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